"A flag and sign of love"

I decided to retire on Sunday. Today is Friday and it's been a rollercoaster of a week: the high of release, the low of failure.

The picture of Whale Island taken from a hill above Whakatane on Sunday marks the point of my epiphany - I have to have a life - I have to leave teaching!

I expected to retire on my own terms but in the end it all got too much and I just burnt out or deflated more like - all the puff and drive and energy went out of me like air out of a balloon.

I think the worst thing is that I have to finish the year - I can't just walk off the job, alas. So the busiest part of the school year has to be endured when my heart is no longer in it. And that's putting it mildly.

I look at Winston Peters - much the same age as I am - I don't want to be swept away on a wave of infamy. Although I'm finding it hard to get my self to work right now, I have to "put on a flag and show of love that is but sign" as Iago says and leave with some sort of dignity and a clear conscience.

My first downfall was yesterday afternoon when I let some bored year 11 boys wind me up and I feel into the trap, ranting and raving. I hate that - funny thing is that I've got tons of energy but it's ill directed energy and I just have to find a way to force my refound, post-decision drive into more positive channels.