We battle on

Finally have my surgery date: 18 February - and a little more info about my condition. The CT scan seems to have shown an actual tumour, still small at T1, (1 cm or under) but there are some "shiny nodes" - small and round. From my research I know that small is good but round is bad - they should be oval. I'll have to wait till a week after the op to find out the results; will have to psych myself up for less than optimal because that is how this whole thing seems to be heading.

In spite of the nodes the surgeons think it's fixable. Maybe that's because I'm to have radiotherapy 6 - 8 weeks after surgery. A biggie. Apparently it's a painful process with the mouth.

It was all very rushed at the hospital because they had a backlog after Xmas and because my main surgeon seemed to want to gloss over it. He said my case was "easy" to fix compared with some others. He told me that the radiotherapy was to stop cancers growing on that side of my mouth. When asked he said he didn't think the cancer had spread to the nodes. Not 100% reassuring because he seems to be quite defensive about my cancer and determined to play it down. He didn't even tell me I had to have a marginal mandibulectomy, meaning a shaving off my lower jaw bone to get clear margins from the tumour that abuts it. A couple of teeth will come out because the flap for reconstruction will cover the gum. All this came from the registrar. Although the surgeon said "it'll be easier than last time" it's hard to believe that when my flap will come from my right wrist which will have to be splinted, meaning I won't even be able to write properly after surgery. Even if I don't have a tracheotomy I no doubt won't be able to talk for a while!

The tone of the visit suggested to me that they saw my case as small fry compared to the big op someone else was having. I saw a couple holding on to each other in an opposite room and I wonder if one of them is having huge surgery, making mine seem slight. I have the utmost sympathy for those people but my case seems big to me. It's reassuring that they see my case as routine though ... I have to be grateful for mercies like that.

I've been pretty good psychologically which just goes to show that knowledge is power. I was bad when I was left hanging for 5 weeks over Xmas. Now I seem to have my courage back, or my philosophical attitude. According to what I've looked up I'll be sort of out of action for three months from surgery: they say the optimal time frame for surgery plus rads is 100 days. That will take me to the end of May ....

I'm still doing my retiring ways. Have kept up my three walking groups on and off and even went to a meeting of the University of the Third Age on Monday. I was feeling a bit tender that morning and couldn't concentrate as well as I should have on the looooonnnggg talk but it was good, people were friendly and very bright and I'm beginning to really enjoy meeting people my age and often much older. The walking group on Friday was hilarious in some ways. All the walking sticks came out at the start, there were two casualties (not fatal but pretty bad) and everyone groaned and moaned when we had to climb over fences. The views were terrific, there were numerous bellbirds and it took my mind right off my own worries.

Here's a picture of the lonely long beach at Tawharanui.

Back to business

While I'm not totally heartless and feel sorry for people who have to go back to work this week, I enormously glad that the statutory holiday period is over. It's horrible getting sick on a Friday when nothing can be done till Monday but even worse to get diagnosed on Xmas Eve when there's an almost two week wait for info and action if your case isn't immediately life threatening. 

I lined up the business cards for the surgeon, his receptionist at his private clinic and the nurse specialist at ORL, Auckland City. By the third phone call I struck it lucky and got the information I needed; in fact the hospital was going to ring me or send me appointments in the near future. I'll see the Multi-Disciplinary Panel on 17 January as long as I can get the CT scan in by then. 

I also asked them to email me the pathology report. It was very technical but it sounds like an early cancer just on the turn from pre-cancer to malignancy. That means it won't have spread but also that it will have to come out. This leaves me with the horrible surgery but without the worry of a spread elsewhere. I feel more empowered now to get on with my life. 

And it's funny about that Xmas/New Year hiatus. Have always disliked them because I like routine and the full services that the modern world can offer on radio, television and shops as well as in medical centres. It's hard to accept that the people who run these services need a break:)