Bloody hell

This ain't nothing to do with retiring - it's to do with selling our house. the hasty agent had the photographer in yesterday long before we have had time to spring clean, assuring us that his photographer could photo around the rubbish. This is not the case: she has shots of cobblestones full of weeds, improperly made beds and computer equiopment lying around with cables everywhere. If they had just waited. To me it looks as if the agent ihas a low opinion of the house and just wants it to be sold as a do-upper. Surely you can't tell me that poor presention will appeal to the hearts of the buyers.

The above photo isn't too bad - it was one of the tolerable ones I saved onto memory stick before taking agent's disc out in disgust. We have to have 20 - I found 10 I could accept. I can't sleep I feel so bad about it.

I think the agent has misread us - or me at least.

Moving fast

Well - had a talk to my co-HOD today - she's taking over next year and is nervous. Was able to reassure her. I felt hardly a pang - nary a pang really. Fortunately I have enjoyed marking my Level One exam papers. Some of the kids have done well - I've taught them something ... More have failed than have achieved but that's the nature of the beast at this stage of our NCEA journey. It is at school anyway and from my experience marking externals in the past it's probably a feature of many schools. So leaving might not be as hard as I thought.

When I got home today the agent was here with a photographer taking pictures for a website - I feel a bit uncomfortable because the bedroom looks like crap with an old cover on the bed. I did express this to the agent - my first grizzle - guess I have to be assertive from the start.

Picture is of our place this time last October - last spring. this is what we'll be leaving - even then I feel no pang.

Snap Decisions

We put our house on the market yesterday.

What started as a casual inquiry ended up being a dramatic, life changing decision. We quite liked the agent we struck. Nothing's ever going to be perfect, so we went along with his suggestion of an auction. I agree with him that an auction has a marketing impact that a listing does not have. Now we've made the decision, we are keen to go. I'm eager to make a clean break from my school and if we stay in Rotorua next year, I know I'll end up relieving there!

Allen is quite keen and a smaller house will mean less work. Means we will have to say goodbye to the fishies - above.

Biggest problem is all our junk. I've already ordered a storage shed so we can "shed" some of the clutter to make the house look better for the sale.

Hard to consider that we might actually move into a unit! Although I think it will end up being a small house?!

Work is much better - school exams mean that I have a substantial break in each day. I can worry about the marking in the hols. Pleased with he way I helped some students with their speech preparation today. I also assisted a couple of seventh formers with their unit standards yesterday - and that felt good. Maybe I WOULD be better off coaching students. Hmmm.

Endurance Monday

Got up early to do some catch up work and appease my conscience - didn't succeed apart from a bit more of a tidy up and an alignment of jobs to do later. This is VERY uncharacteristic of me and is of serious concern. All I can do is try, try, try and give myself a mark at the end of the day - out of ten according to how well I fulfill me dooties.

Pic is a close-up of the Jackson Park cherry blossom. I'm pleased with that one.

Soldiering On

Gawd - it's hard to keep going now my mental and emotional teaching engine has run out of fuel. My fuel was enthusiasm, drive and commitment - it's gone - all gone.

Photo is of Jackson Park 5 minutes from here. Each year the cherry bloosoms in a long double line of trees make a curious pink smudge against the sky. It's weird. This isn't the best pic but the mixture of hanging bark from the Australian gum the northern hemisphere cherries and NZ cabbage trees makes a picture I can relate to right now.

Couldn't settle this weekend. Worried futilely about the two junior classes to teach tomorrow while the seniors are at exams. Could not make my self do my research marking although I did print out some copies of a mark sheet.

Courage is what it will take- a stout heart and a stern telling off - to myself.

Saw Rain of the Children - hmmmm - good images and liked his narration (until last choked words) but the holus bolus acceptance of Maori spirituality was something that I found hard to swallow. Enjoyed most of it though.

"A flag and sign of love"

I decided to retire on Sunday. Today is Friday and it's been a rollercoaster of a week: the high of release, the low of failure.

The picture of Whale Island taken from a hill above Whakatane on Sunday marks the point of my epiphany - I have to have a life - I have to leave teaching!

I expected to retire on my own terms but in the end it all got too much and I just burnt out or deflated more like - all the puff and drive and energy went out of me like air out of a balloon.

I think the worst thing is that I have to finish the year - I can't just walk off the job, alas. So the busiest part of the school year has to be endured when my heart is no longer in it. And that's putting it mildly.

I look at Winston Peters - much the same age as I am - I don't want to be swept away on a wave of infamy. Although I'm finding it hard to get my self to work right now, I have to "put on a flag and show of love that is but sign" as Iago says and leave with some sort of dignity and a clear conscience.

My first downfall was yesterday afternoon when I let some bored year 11 boys wind me up and I feel into the trap, ranting and raving. I hate that - funny thing is that I've got tons of energy but it's ill directed energy and I just have to find a way to force my refound, post-decision drive into more positive channels.